I put off starting this for far too long, so apologies for how late it will be getting out tonight, but relax—you’ll probably have time to skim it before the noon kickoff tomorrow. Before I get into the predictions, I just want to say I love the double gameweek; depending on your side’s form, it can be like having 2 Christmases in 3 days, or on the flip side, it can be like attending 2 funerals in 3 days—never much in between. The Manchester Derby headlines this weekend’s fixture list, but it seems everywhere you look this weekend there are potential headlines to be developed. You’ve made it to the weekend; kick your feet up, grab a pint, and enjoy some Matchweek 31 predictions.
Everton vs. Arsenal
12:30, Saturday, April 5th, Goodison Park
James Tarkowski is lucky to not be sitting in a courtroom in a jumpsuit and chains following the attempted murder of Alexis Mac Allister on Wednesday evening, but thanks to Paul Tierney and the infinite wisdom of VAR, he was deemed an innocent man. Everton’s performance at Anfield was not a poor one by any stretch, and the visitors found themselves quite unlucky not to take a lead into the half through Beto’s missed chances. David Moyes has made the team incredibly difficult to break down, and I can’t see this changing on Saturday—especially at Goodison. Arsenal were lucky not to squander a late 2-nil advantage against Fulham on Wednesday night, with Rodrigo Muniz temporarily forgetting how to head a football. Arsenal have struggled all season to break teams down—particularly sides as defensively sound as the Toffees as of late—and the first fixture between these two sides this season at the Emirates produced a scintillating 0-0 draw. More of the same, please, Moyesy.
Prediction: 0-0
Only Goal Scorer: Arteta shouting “over my dead body,” ‘90+6
Crystal Palace vs. Brighton & Hove Albion
15:00, Saturday, April 5th, Selhurst Park
This installment of the M23 derby sees neither side in particularly good form. Brighton were battered 3-nil at home by a lively Villa side—a result that I did not see coming—and Palace struggled to a late 1-1 draw at Southampton, thanks to an equaliser through Mattheus Franca. This match may prove to have some significance in the race for the top-8, as wild as that may sound. After their atrocious start, Palace have remained under the radar, but sitting just 7 points behind Brighton—and with a game in hand—a win on Saturday may see the Eagles within touching distance of the European spots. As it stands, I can’t see a winner in this one, but based on recent form, it will definitely hinge on which Brighton decides to turn up.
Prediction: 1-1
First Goal Scorer: JP Mateta
Anytime Goal Scorer: Simon Adingra
Ipswich Town vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers
15:00, Saturday, April 5th, Portman Road
Ipswich Town picked up their 4th victory of the season on the road at Bournemouth on Wednesday evening—a result that may have seemed unfathomable two months ago, but maybe not as much so as of late. I still believe that Kieran McKenna’s side has the best chance (an incredibly slim one at that) of pulling off a relegation escape, but Wolves’ midweek win over West Ham would have dented this belief as well. Put simply, to hold onto any hope of survival, the Tractor Boys have to win on Saturday. The gap would then be 6 points, and while still unlikely, there may be a very faint pulse. Any positive result for Wolves will surely see the coffin all but nailed down on the bottom 3—but crazier things have happened, and I want to see some chaos.
Prediction: 1-0 Ipswich
Only Goalscorer: Liam Delap
West Ham United vs. Bournemouth
15:00, Saturday, April 5th, London Stadium
Apart from Leicester and Southampton, these two may very well be the most out-of-form sides in the league at the moment. The Cherries seem to have simply run into a wall—and you can’t really blame them after some of the incredible performances that they have put in over the course of the season. West Ham, on the other hand, have gone from poor to mediocre following Lopetegui’s departure, right back to poor. After an impressive string of results, highlighted by a 1-0 victory at the Emirates, West Ham have returned to the side that we saw for the opening 6 months of the season. They haven’t won in the league since the last week of February, and I’m struggling to see that changing on Saturday.
Prediction: 1-1
First Goal Scorer: Justin Kluivert
Anytime Goal Scorer: Thomas Soucek
Aston Villa vs. Nottingham Forest
17:30, Saturday, April 5th, Villa Park
It will never fail to make me laugh when I see players leave United and magically transform into the best versions of themselves overnight. Marcus Rashford looked unplayable at times on the South Coast on Wednesday evening, and Villa look to carry the momentum that they have built into their Champions League quarter-final tie with PSG on Wednesday. A win would see Villa up to 6th in the table, pending Newcastle’s result on Monday (they’re playing Leicester, let’s not take the piss here) and within touching distance of the Champions League places. We know it won’t be straightforward, as Forest continue to show why they’re worthy of their spot in the table— comfortably dealing with Sir Jim’s folly on Tuesday evening. I think this will be a great watch—potentially the most entertaining from a pure footballing perspective of the weekend. I think Villa edge it, just.
Prediction: 2-1 Villa
First Goal Scorer: Marcus Rashford
Anytime Goal Scorers: Callum Hudson-Odoi, Ollie Watkins
Tottenham Hotspur vs. Southampton
14:00, Sunday, April 6th, Tottenham Hotspur Stadium
This should prove to be entertaining—and not for the football. Following Spurs’ 1-nil defeat at Stamford Bridge on Thursday, and Ange’s mid-game rau with the travelling supporters, his Klopp-esque press conference revealed one thing to me: the man is an awful liar. Following a question about the gesture to the supporters, the immediate change in body language could literally be a case study throughout governmental interrogation training agencies for years to come. To put it kindly, it has not been a good week for the jovial Australian. If they don’t beat Southampton, I can’t see a world in which Daniel Levy doesn’t assume his beloved role of Chief Executioner. Luckily for Ange, Southampton are Southampton.
Prediction: 3-0 Spurs
First Goal Scorer: James Maddison
Anytime Goal Scorers: Dominic Solanke, Wilson Odobert
Brentford vs. Chelsea
14:00, Sunday, April 6th, GTech Community Stadium
Thomas Frank and Brentford will be disappointed with the result on Tyneside on Wednesday, after the Bees put in a valiant effort—coming back to equalize before conceding the winner 15 minutes from time. Brentford are another side that is in the thick of the fight for top-8, and a result against Chelsea on Sunday would help their prospects of European football dramatically. I was impressed with Maresca’s Chelsea on Thursday evening, and they seem to have turned the page on their poor form that plagued them in the New Year. I felt that they dealt with the late Spurs pressure reasonably well, something that they’ve struggled to do when protecting leads as of late. I think this game will be a good watch—Brentford are consistent at the GTech—and with the potential for Europe next season, the atmosphere should be top; however, I think Chelsea have just enough firepower to get them over the line.
Prediction: 2-1 Chelsea
First Goal Scorer: Bryan Mbuemo
Anytime Goal Scorers: Cole Palmer, Jadon Sancho
Fulham vs. Liverpool
14:00, Sunday, April 6th, Craven Cottage
Diogo Jota’s mazy run and finish past Pickford on Wednesday in front of the Kop provided a let-off for the ages. For how poor we had been in recent weeks, to Arsenal closing the gap back to 9 points after Tuesday, the strike felt like the nail in the coffin for Arteta’s pursuit of the league. Add that to the mind-bending rage that I had to live with following the 2-2 draw at Goodison a month and a half ago, and you had the ingredients for pure catharsis. It wasn’t the greatest performance, but ask me how much I care. Fulham’s form has been poor as of late, but we know the issues that Craven Cottage can give us—it seems to always be an uncomfortable game, and I expect Sunday to be no different. Again, I don’t care how it looks, just keep grinding them out and bring home Number 20.
Prediction: 2-0 Liverpool
First Goal Scorer: Mohammed Salah
Anytime Goal Scorer: Alexis Mac Allister
Manchester United vs. Manchester City
16:30, Sunday, April 6th, Old Trafford
City didn’t seem to miss Haaland in the 2-nil win over Leicester on Wednesday—I don’t think many thought that they would. The reverse fixture probably provided United with their best moment of the season—2 stoppage-time goals to defeat Pep at the Etihad in mid-December. United have been consistently atrocious at Old Trafford this season, but they do always seem to get up for this fixture—and that’s where I think Haaland’s absence could prove costly. I don’t foresee this match being full of goals, and I think it may come down to a moment of magic—or madness—to find a winner in this one. After watching Elanga dribble through 8 United shirts at the City Ground on Tuesday evening, I’ll go with the former.
Prediction: 1-0 City
Only Goal Scorer: Omar Marmoush
Leicester City vs. Newcastle United
20:00, Monday, April 7th, King Power Stadium
Leicester have all but quit, and Newcastle are battling for the Champions League places—does much more need to be said? I would try to argue that the game may be difficult as it’s at the KP, but the Foxes have been mind-numbingly awful there as well this season. It’s the perfect Monday night fixture after going on a bender at the weekend—you can be lulled to sleep by Martin Tyler’s voice after Leicester are eviscerated in the opening 45 minutes. Happy days.
Prediction: 3-0 Newcastle
First Goal Scorer: Alexander Isak (x2)
Anytime Goal Scorer: Joelinton
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