Well, it feels like it’s been forever since writing one of these, and after 2 weeks of imaginary money-grabbing competition fabricated by FIFA, the Premier League is finally back. We’ve got a slate of 10 games from Tuesday to Thursday to help drag you through the work week, and most of them seem to have the potential to produce some cracking games. So, kick your feet up, grab a pint, let the nightmare of meaningless international fixtures fade to a distant memory, and get stuck into some Matchweek 30 predictions.
Wolverhampton Wanderers vs. West Ham United
19:45, Tuesday, April 1st, Molineux
Wolves and West Ham currently sit 16th and 17th respectively in the table, with 8 points separating the two sides. At this stage in the season, and sitting 9 clear of the drop, Wolves appear to have done enough to remain in the Division, in large part due to the lack of quality in the current bottom 3. This will undoubtedly be looked at as a fixture that Vitor Pereira has marked to add to their tally—and further cement their place in the Division for next season. Graham Potter seems to have partially tamed the dumpster fire left behind by Julen Lopetegui’s 6 months at the helm, and he’s had the Irons playing some quality football for sustained stretches in recent weeks. Mattheus Cunha will still be unavailable following his suspension, which is sure to put a dent in Wolves’ ability going forward. All in all, I don’t see a great deal to separate the sides, so I’ll kick off the predictions by remaining squarely on the fence. Thrilling.
Prediction: 1-1
First Goal Scorer: Jean-Ricner Bellegarde
Anytime Goal Scorer: Jarrod Bowen
Arsenal vs. Fulham
19:45, Tuesday, April 1st, The Emirates
The one positive of the international break was having a modicum of respite from the group of lunatics that support Arsenal Football Club. It seems as though Saka is finally back, so after hearing the narrative of how Arsenal would be 10 clear at the top of the league if he hadn’t gotten injured, I expect nothing less than a hat trick of goals and assists. The two sides drew at Craven Cottage in early December, and Fulham has proven to be a thorn in Arteta’s side in the past. However, as much as I would love it, I can’t see the Cottagers getting anything from this trip to the Emirates, particularly after the appalling display that saw them beaten 3-nil by Palace at the weekend in the quarter-finals of the FA Cup.
Prediction: 2-0 Arsenal
First Goal Scorer: Gabriel
Anytime Goal Scorer: William Saliba
Nottingham Forest vs. Manchester United
20:00, Tuesday, April 1st, The City Ground
If Forest are to secure Champions League football next season, they must continue beating lower-half opposition at home. For the time being, it seems the crusade against minimum-wage club employees has come to an intermittent rest, and Sir Jim has now set his sights on constructing a £2.6 billion stadium on top of Old Trafford—presumably with the funds coming exclusively from the lunch and Christmas bonus budget. Forest, on the other hand, continue to consistently plod along—securing a semi-final berth in the FA Cup after outlasting Brighton on penalties at the weekend. What a season they’ve had. I believe this should be relatively straightforward for Nuno’s Tricky Trees; the City Ground will be up for it, as it always is. Apart from United’s Europa League campaign, there’s very little left to play for in the league—not that it made a difference when there was to begin with.
Prediction: 3-1 Forest
First Goal Scorer: Chris Wood (x2)
Anytime Goal Scorers: Bruno Fernandes, Anthony Elanga
Manchester City vs. Leicester City
19:45, Wednesday, April 2nd, The Etihad
City take on Leicester at the Etihad as Pep continues the battle to secure a place in the top 4. The Cityzens will be without Erling Haaland for an extended period of time following the injury he sustained in the win over Bournemouth in the FA Cup at the weekend, but I highly doubt his absence will have any effect come Wednesday night. Leicester seem to have completely packed it in over the last several weeks and almost certainly will find themselves back in the Championship come next season. I can’t see them causing City any problems, and this one may be done and dusted in the opening 30 minutes.
Prediction: 4-0 City
First Goal Scorer: Bernardo Silva
Anytime Goal Scorers: Omar Marmoush (x2), Kevin De Bruyne
Brighton & Hove Albion vs. Aston Villa
19:45, Wednesday, April 2nd, The Amex
Just two points separate 7th-placed Brighton and 9th-placed Villa, and this fixture may act as a serious indicator for which one of these sides will achieve European football come the end of May. Villa have their sights set on European glory after progressing to the last 8 of the Champions League after their battering of Brugge, while Brighton’s FA Cup journey came to an end cruelly at the weekend in penalties. I think this fixture has the potential to be a great watch—both sides play consistently attractive football, and perhaps more importantly, both sides need to win this game. Villa has a brutal run of games coming up—3 in the next 7 days—and with their attention on the Champions League campaign, I think that Brighton has a good opportunity to take a significant step towards European football next season.
Prediction: 2-1 Brighton
First Goal Scorer: Ollie Watkins
Anytime Goal Scorers: Joao Pedro, Georginio Rutter
Bournemouth vs. Ipswich Town
19:45, Wednesday, April 2nd, Vitality Stadium
Of the three sides who appear to be going down, I hold the most respect for the Tractor Boys. They’ve put in some shocking performances this season, don’t get me wrong, but at no point have I watched them play and thought, “These lads have really just given up.” I think there’s a lot to be said about that for both the players and the staff, but the simple fact of the matter is that the side just does not have the quality to stay in the Division. The Cherries are another side that find themselves in the bottleneck of the race for European football—and Wednesday is a non-negotiable must-win if this dream is to remain alive. I think it will live on, at least until the weekend.
Prediction: 2-0 Bournemouth
First Goal Scorer: Justin Kluivert
Anytime Goal Scorer: Antoine Semenyo
Newcastle United vs. Brentford
19:45, Wednesday, April 2nd, St James’ Park
The reception at St James’ Park for the Carabao Cup Champions will be nothing short of magical. If you find yourself taking the piss out of Newcastle’s celebrations, I urge you to find some form of joy in your life because football simply may not be for you. An incredible run in the Cup, capped off by a 2-1 defeat of Liverpool in the final to win your first major trophy in nearly 70 years, should be celebrated—and for a group of supporters who have been tortured for so long, I am genuinely happy for them—not happy about losing the final, but that’s a different conversation entirely. With my rant complete, I don’t think Thomas Frank’s side stands a chance—not due to a lack of quality but simply from the atmosphere that will be created on Tyneside Wednesday evening. The Geordies are still in the thick of the fight for Champions League football, and Wednesday should help them along their way.
Prediction: 2-0 Newcastle
First Goal Scorer: Alexander Isak
Anytime Goal Scorer: Sandro Tonali
Southampton vs. Crystal Palace
19:45, Wednesday, April 2nd, St Mary’s
If you’ve read this blog before, you know my opinions on Southampton this season. To sum it up, I don’t think they’ll break Derby’s 11-point barrier. While they rarely show flashes of life, they are simply just so, so poor. The end of the season will be a welcome break for supporters, who I’m sure are ticking down the days until this miserable campaign comes to a merciful end. Olivier Galsner’s Eagles will be flying high after demolishing Fulham at Craven Cottage to move into the FA Cup Semi-Finals at the weekend, and I can’t see their performance dipping too greatly on Wednesday evening.
Prediction: 2-0 Palace
First Goal Scorer: Adam Wharton
Anytime Goal Scorer: Eddie Nketiah
Liverpool vs. Everton
20:00, Wednesday, April 2nd, Anfield
It’s simple—win 5 of the last 9, and parade number 20 through the streets until the wheels fall off of the bus. The performance in the loss to Newcastle in the Carabao Cup Final prior to the break was bleak. We didn’t just look tired—we looked fucking exhausted. Two weeks away could not have come at a better time in my opinion, and while we aren’t always the sharpest when coming back following a break, it simply can’t be as poor as it was at Wembley last month. David Moyes has come in and done a fantastic job for the Toffees, as they come into this fixture unbeaten in their previous 9, while playing some fantastic football along the way. After how the Derby at Goodison ended last month, I am desperate to win this game—a full-scale pitch invasion from the Kop after the first one goes in would not be unwelcome either. Anfield will be back to its best under the lights, and while these fixtures are always nervy early doors, I hope it quickly turns into a celebration.
Prediction: 3-1 Liverpool
First Goal Scorer: Mohammed Salah (x2)
Anytime Goal Scorers: Curtis Jones, Carlos Alcaraz
Chelsea vs. Tottenham Hotspur
20:00, Thursday, April 3rd, Stamford Bridge
The YouTube algorithm on my television has reminded me of how fiery this fixture can be while writing this—as the full replay of Conte and Tuchel attempting to break each other’s hands plays on a loop in my living room currently. (Also, Richarlison shamelessly trying to claim that Kane goal in the dying embers of that game before suddenly coming to the realization that there are indeed cameras everywhere.) While Thursday may not provide fireworks on that scale, I don’t think the 2-2 result of 2023 may be far from reason. Chelsea looked grim on their trip to the Emirates prior to the break, and what looked for long stretches this year like the Blues coasting to Champions League football, it may very well turn into a nervy run-in for Maresca’s side. Big Ange seems to have salvaged what turned into a nightmare stretch for Spurs in the New Year, and I think Thursday will further illustrate this.
Prediction: 2-2
First Goal Scorer: Cole Palmer
Anytime Goal Scorers: Wilson Odobert, Enzo Fernandez, Dominic Solanke
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