When the whistle sounded at Anfield for the final time of the 2023-24 season, I
experienced an onslaught of emotional torture. First, there was the soul- crushing sadness that came from saying goodbye to our generation’s Bill Shankly. The realization that I would never again be able to see Jurgen’s wild celebrations, fist pumps, or verbal assaults directed at Paul Tierney and Anthony Taylor was enough to bring an endless wave of tears, as well as a frightening shriek of laughter (all of which unfolded simultaneously in front of my increasingly concerned wife and dogs). These emotions proceeded to erratically swing over the next two months between sadness, boredom, and brief happiness (as Oyarzabal torpedoed England’s Euro dreams by angling a shot beyond Jordan Pickford’s child- like arms), before finally settling on hope. The glimmer of hope came in the form of a big beautiful bald bastard called Arne.
As the summer wore-on and players began to return from individual breaks, questions lingering in the back of many of our minds began to be answered. ‘Are all bald Dutchmen as socially inept and lifeless as our rival to the North?’ was quickly thwarted as Arne Slot’s first interview with the club was released. An ever- present dry sense of humor coupled with the will to simply be himself quelled these previously existing doubts within my own mind. Was he Jurgen? No. Did this bother him? Not at all. With the ghosts of Ten Hag and Brian Clough banished, I could now begin to let my un- medicated anxiety run wild over another matter. The
footy.
I will preface this next paragraph with the disclaimer “I AM AWARE THAT ALL
FRIENDLIES MEAN SWEET FUCK-ALL.” I will simply present some positive and negative trends that I’ve observed thus far. While we’ve yet to lineup with a team that will resemble the MW1 squad in terms of personnel there are some apparent differences in how we have played thus far.
Positives:
Our shape when losing possession prevents us from being completely taken apart
as it has often led to in previous seasons. Numbers have regularly been able to
flood back, and when the ball is not immediately recovered via counter- press, we
are able to retain defensive shape effectively. This has remained true on attacking
set- pieces, with limited opposition counters coming from these situations; see
Luton away and United in the Cup (fuck off) for reference. The use of the double pivot has looked incredibly effective thus far. The free range of motion given to midfield personnel to drift between and interchange positions to create space has been refreshing, and players such as Harvey Elliot have been able to showcase skillsets that we were not previously accustomed to
seeing regularly.
Negatives:
Playing out from the back will fuck us at some point this season. While
recognizing that this is integral to the system that Slot will employ, the thought of
Alisson trying to Sombrero flick Haaland before back- heeling a ball to Jarrell
Quansah inside of the 6 makes my ass clench. There will be points during the
season where the best option will be to close your eyes and lash the ball 40 yards
out of bounds and I hope that we learn this lesson quickly.
We must finish our chances. Quite simply our forwards, (we know who I’m
talking about, no need to be a dickhead) must improve this season in this regard.
While several have not participated in preseason to this point, it remains to be
seen if this killer instinct will be discovered when first ball is kicked at Portman
Road next Saturday. On their day they are world beaters, but on more than one
occasion they’ve proven to be their own biggest enemy.
That’s that then. Check back next week as we sum- up all 20 teams ahead of this Premier League season in the most unashamedly biased manner possible. Until then, Up the Pissboiling Redmen.
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